Confession of an escort based in London
There are some important things a submissive man should know in order to serve well his lover. These are the following:
We are people too, and all the proper manners still apply.
Don’t fawn all over us; you will sound like a fool. Don’t call us “Mistress“, “Goddess” or “Lady” unless we tell you to. Don’t try to act like our sub without our agreement- anymore than you’d act like a woman’s boyfriend without her say so.
Your fetishes, needs and desires matter. They are not, however, my problem until I choose to make them my problem by getting into a relationship with you or choosing to address them when we play, and probably anything we do will be a equally complimentary fusion of both our desires- don’t stand for a relationship where your needs aren’t being met- it doesn’t make you a Real Submissive, it makes you a martyr.
Getting whipped, spanked, dressed in lingerie, or pretty much all your fetishes are intimate acts, even if they don’t include your penis. Manage yourself accordingly.
For the love of all that is divine, stop offering me acts of service unless they are your fetish, or I precisely say I want them, and even more so, stop trying to trade acts of service for acts of kink. A house cleaner makes way less per hour than a pro-dom.
Your submissive desires do not describe you. They are part of which you are, but not the entireness of who you are, and a dom’s long term interest in you will probably have a lot more to do with the whole person than you being a sub. Also the type of submissive you are conversant by the rest of your personality.
Women who demand compliment to talk to you or to prove your importance are scammers or naive. Experts who stay in the business will be trading a real service for money, and will be as clear and up front about what they do to the level that the local laws governing solicitation let them. Women who ask for money to dom you are professionals, nevertheless of skill or sanity.
We probably like looking good and being bizarre as much as the next person, but we can’t withstand a conversation based on how awesome we are. It’s either trying to force adoration dynamic on us, we will notice it as you discussing your turn on, or typical human diffidence will cause us to blush and deny. Use compliments like pepper with new people- sparingly applied where suited.
On the flip side, working on being hotter can’t really hurt your odds, particularly if you want a ‘hot’ dominant lady. Make sure your hair is groomed and flattering, your clothes fit and you then take advantage of the best tools available to your regardless of your subgroup memberships. Humans are superficial.
Do not underestimate the ability of apparently vanilla women to surprise you- not all doms hide out in BDSM environments. But, likewise don’t mash a square peg into a round hole. Your ability to persuade a woman is related to your skill to make it seem sexy and inviting, and not like a chore she’s doing for you.
Your wife might not understand you, but we know even if you are awesome, at best you’re going to break our heart when you try to shield us from some other thing you think we can’t handle, just like her.
Safe words are so you can say “no!” and have her ignore it. Ignoring a safe word, on the other hand, is bad news. Discuss in advance what it means to you and do not assume. Hell, never, ever assume.
If you expect every female dominant to come fully equip with gear, whips and a private dungeon, you will be sad. If you expect them to look better than the normal kind of attractiveness you will also be sad.
Dating overtures that start with a progressive comparison of us compared with all other doms, such as that we are prettier, saner, smarter, do not go as well as you think they will. Keep in mind that it is all too easy to project your principles onto strangers and it’s going to be very difficult if you praise her for something that is not the case.
We can’t look down on you if we want you to be our sub. We can pretend. We can say all sorts of unpleasant things. But only an emotional masochist will get into a relationship with someone who really makes their skin crawl or really is unsatisfying company.
Your penis size is less significant than you seem to think. Don’t get me wrong, some of us care- and a lot of us will want to see, but later and well photographed.
Don’t tell us how our sex or ethnicity makes us naturally dominant. Also, vanilla tip, praising our looks based on ethnicity is going to get frowns. Especially if you get it mistaken.
Don’t tell us certain sex acts aren’t ‘dominant’ or concern about how subs aren’t supposed to want certain things. You don’t have to be into diffusion, but that’s not because you are a sub, but because that’s your preference. Also, accept that satisfying your partner as a sub may mean doing what she wants, not what you wish she wanted. If she wants her tits hit during sex, she wants her tits hit. Likewise if you still like blowjobs, you still like blowjobs.
You are allowed to have bounds. Do not forget that you can deny something you don’t want.
Dominant women can be doubtful, sad, naive, make mistakes, need snuggles, love you, have terrible taste in media, get extremely infected ingrown toenails, have body image issues, question their sexuality and self-esteem and at the end of the day are just as lost, clueless and digging around as you.